Had a dream that seemed to real

I had a dream. A dream that seemed so real. A dreamed that I wished that was true. A dream that I know will never happen.

It was you again… why can’t my mind and my heart let you so… WHY???

Why can’t I get over you?

It has been almost 5 years since you left me and I am still haunted by you. Every now and then you slip through my mind and gives me a piercing pain in my heart… I know its all over… My mind knows it… but my heart doesn’t want to let go… 

I’m already out…

Visit me at my new site

http://smokers.homegrownpinoy.com

Good Day! 

Getting Ready To Move Out

In a few weeks time, I’ll be moving to my new site. My cousin Iyam is generous enough to give some space and I’ll be moving back to http://smokers.homegrownpinoy.com

This is just to let you guys know that I’m still alive..  

Confessions…

Last night, I was able to talk to a very close friend of mine again over the phone. I’m so happy for her because finally she’s out of that complicated love triangle that she’s been rambling about for the past three weeks or so.

Well, during that time, I found myself falling in love with her. Although weird and unorthodox she may be, I still found so many things about her to fall in love with. The way she smirks. Her insanely loud laughter (annoying at times but lovable still).

I told her that I am falling in love with her than I’m happy that she’s already fallen in love with someone else.

I waited this long to tell her because I didn’t want to tell her. Yes, I’m a fucking martyr because I didn’t want to make things complicated for her.

I thanked her last night for opening up my heart again. After my last break up, I thought I won’t be able to truly love again.

As the song by Drop N Harmony goes…

“There was a time when I used to run away,
Everytime I started to fall, ’cause
Love’s never been very kind of me, no baby
Not very kind at all 

Until you, you stole my heart away
Somehow you helped restore my faith
For something I thought wasn’t for me
Now comes so easily, because I love you..” 

Random Ramblings..

Why does one think about what things could be like? You hardly know a person but you keep on having dreams about her. I don’t understand it. I CHOSE not to fall, and yet I do.

Karma

kar‧ma  /ˈkɑrmə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kahr-muh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun

I’m sure you’ve heard of this term. It’s either your parents, lola’t lolo. Friends who think you’ve done something that meris a return.

I’ve had a lot of karma (both good and bad) ever since I moved here in the condo and this morning seems to be top ranking bad karma.

Why so? Well, I was doing my grocery shopping yesterday with my cousin PJ and there’s one particular item that the cashier forgot to punch in. Realising it, we just didn’t mind it. I mean, it’s only Php200. Nevertheless, We went home and PJ had to meet the seller of his 1GB Ipod Shuffle that needs to be replaced. Lo and behold, there are not PUJs running along Buendia going to the LRT station. 

Secondly, we ordered drinking water from down stairs since we were all out. I cooked dinner and used our newly bought electric hot plate and fry pan (which costs a bundle by the way) and ate our dinner.

Nothing bad that right? Right… I woke up around 3am and read a couple of text messages I received after falling asleep. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard a loud crash in the kitchen (which is about 5 feet away from where I sleep). I realised that the 5 Gallon water dispenser crashed down to the floor. Water was every where! the entire kitchen floor, living area. I took a look at the bottom of the dispenser and seeing that the bottom bulked due to its own weight (It’s partially edged out so we can use the built-in faucet). 

Worst thing is not the 5 gallons of water which gave our kitchen an impromtu cleaning. It’s the cap that covers the top of the dispenser. I don’t know how much that’s gonna cost to get it replaced. I’m still not yet done drying up the place and I’m as hungry as a dog right now. I’ve been cleaning for the past hour and my hands hurt from squeezing the water out of the rags.  

Getting the rest of the week off…

I just have come to realize that I am getting the rest of my work week off.

I should be happy right? Nope… not one bit for the reason being that my Tito Eddie just passed away this week.

I am not particularly close to him but he is still family. I will be going to his wake tomorrow and also to his funeral this saturday afternoon.

“Tito Ed, sana masaya ka kung nasaan ka man. ‘yaan mo, anjan naman si Ate Mitz para alagaan ka at pasiyahin.”

Vaya con dios….  

Past, Present and Future…

Thinking back on the times I have taken for granted the special moments I’ve shared with someone. I couldn’t help but begin to regret that I did all those things. Or more correctly, things I didn’t do. If I could just go back and correct those mistakes… I would. To save you the pain and sorrow that I have caused you.

I looked for the tree where I carved our initials last night. And, just like you, it’s not longer there. A new foundation has been placed there. Something new has replaced that wonderful tree. I wish I took more time to notice the smaller things than dreaming up the future.

But past is past, I couldn’t never get it back. I lost the future I built when you said goodbye. All I have now is the present. What I have at this very moment is mine. No past, no future. Just now…

Denied….

Ever heard of the quote:

“It’s all over just before the match started…”

and that’s all I’ve got to say for that…

Took a long walk last night and I got to finally clear my head. I haven’t done that in a long, long while. Walking makes me sane. It calms my fears, anxiety, anger and, at times, even heartaches.

I know now what to do…

LONG WEEK…

Who ever said that a week is never too long… they deserve to be hung by their tits.

I just finished a 10 day week, almost 11,  and I am TIRED!!

I hope this sacrifice is going to be worth it. Good thing Ina was there to keep sane (well sort of…) during the closing stages of this long work week. Why did I do it?  for one thing, I want to earn more (300% of my normal pay last Nov 1st). Secondly, IT NONE OF YOU DAMN BUSINESS!!!

oh well, not much of an entry here… lates 

Moving Out… Moved Out

It’s has been a long long while since i last blogged on this site. I guess I’ve just been to pre-occupied with work.

I’ve already moved out of the my place in Paranaque and I am now living in a condo with my cousin, PJ.

So far, I am enjoying living independantly and I am getting used to the getting things done by myself.

Right now, I am trying save from money to buy stuff for my place (unfortunately, I haven’t saved up any since I moved here due to the fact that it’s been all going to the overheads of my place).

We just recently got a phone line here and that’s the reason why I was able to blog today. I guess I finally found some time in my hands.

Anyway, I know this isn’t much of an entry but I think this will be one my last entries on this site because I am talking to my cousin, Iyam, about getting some space from his site.

Until then, I will be conceptualizing about the design on my site for hgp….  

Pag-Ibig Ni Rama

Yesterday, August 26, 2006, the theatrical musical “Pag-Ibig Ni Rama” in which the protagonist, Rama, goes through his journey as set by his god Vishnu. Along the journey he meets his soulmate, Sita, in which they fall inlove. As they come to realise that Dasaratha’s third wife, Kaykeyi, has somehow convinced his father to proclaim his youngest son, Bharata, to be the next king. He was exiled from his kingdom, Ayodhaya, for 14 years. Upon his exile, his brother, Lashkmana, come along in his journey along with his wife. There, the demon, Ravana, along with his sister, Soorphanaka, faced them with temptations to tear them apart.

Writing about the play made me realise that I will certainly miss it. Not just the play… it’s more of the people inside the theater. They are a family to me and I have come to love them and hold them close to my heart. I don’t know when I will see them again.

There I have met people from all walks in life. No matter who you were, we are all family and are of equal.

I will certainly miss the tiring rehearsals, horsing around with my fellow actors, making props. Of all the things I could miss, I miss the people the most. 

As I performed three shows yesterday, all of the hard work and long rehearsal made it all worth it Just to hear the audience’s reaction to the scenes, the awe they expressed as we danced and sing. The of course, the resounding applause for a played. It was a great feeling that we made them realise that they didn’t waste their time in watching the play.

Do I have any regrets? Of course not. being in the play is the greatest feeling I could ever feel. Then again, I do have one… that being, me missing the oppurtunity to say what I really feel about HER.

Well…

I went and met the girl I was telling you about on the previous post. Well, as it turns out she’s the love of my life… oh wait, she just looks like her… hehehe

Kidding aside, I DON’T HAVE THAT BAD OF A MEMORY!! Her name’s Ina and she’s a very wonderful person, cheery at that. Although we only spent a couple of hours together over dinner. I was quickly drawn to her “WWEEEEEE” personality (sorry I don’t have the words to describe her). I had a wonderful time especially when she was doing her monologue (although is was unfinished).

I have this distinct feeling that I will be seeing her more often than not.

Well, until then. Later 

Someone From The Past…

As most of my old friends and close relatives know, I have a bad memory. Today I just received a messaged from someone who seems to know me quite well… (I don’t know how well but she seems to know me)

I don’t know what to expect but I have I feeling it has something to do with my past… duh!

I’ll post more about this if it is deemed not to private.. later 

I Don’t Know What To Do…

I saw her again today. Exchanged a few words and a couple of smiles. My hearts pounds so loud whenever I see her. Louder still if she’s near. I don’t know whether or not I should take the plunge or walk away from this and never try to find out what could be.

I know, I know… most of you guys are saying to take the plunge. “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” And all other cliche one could ever think of. 

Trust me, I’ve had my share of saying such cliches. And, like everyone else who’s in my shoes right now, it’s easier said than done.

All I know is that I really do have something to deep for her. She’s has been the very reason why I look out the Makati skyline and simply smile.  

This Time Around…

I just got back home from Makati… technically Parañaque is where I live but I now live in Makati with my cousin. My room feels weird. I have only been out for a week but my room feels to foreign to me. Must be the makati skylight that I’m missing.

Anyhow, I would also be moving out of this blogging site soon. Since my original home, http://www.homegrownpinoy.com is finally up and running after a 3 year sabatical.

I will be going back to Makati tomorrow night. I’m just here for my theater rehearsals. Later! 

Never Ever Again…

I few years ago, I said to myself, and to a lot of people, that I will never go back to the call center industry.

Guess what? I’m back but this time as a Technical Support Representative for West Contact Services, Inc. located in The ExportBank Plaza in G. Puyat.

I’ve also moved out of the house from Parañaque to Makati. I’m staying at my cousin’s pad which coincidentally is beside my office building. I suppose commuting to the office won’t be that hard. hehehe… Anyhow, I’m happy with my new job. I’ve met a lot of new friends during training and receiving a heaping service of knowledge on the cable internet service.

Our play “Pag-Ibig ni Rama” will be staged this month so everything is becoming more and more hectic over at SMT.

No, I haven’t forgotten about HER. Seeing her last Sunday was the highlight of my week. I am definitely looking forward to seeing her this weekend.

Until then…

Color Me Badd - I Remember

I Remember
Color Me Badd
Time & Chance

I remember when i was a young boy
nothing really ever mattered to me
I would take each day as it came my way
you know children live for the moment

I remember the first girl i kissed
I remember when grandma
insisted i came inside
when she’d say come in for the night
you know tomorrow will be another day

do you remember when youth used to be a friend
do you remember when comfort was in never understanding
comfort was in never understanding

do you know what i mean?

do you remember the way that it used to be?
full of innocence, so alive, life was carefree
it was so good then, hangin’ out with your best friend
you float wherever you wanted to

do you remember your first true love?
you you ever wonder if she ever
thinks of the times when you
used to walk home from school
and say tomorrow will be another day

Chorus

come along to the place we once lived
touch the things that made us happy
find the child that lives within
come along
come along
you know it’s alright to go back there
touch the things that made us happy
look for the days that were so fair
come along
and you know that it goes without sayin’
there’s a child deep inside always playin

Listen to the track over at

http://www.colormebadd.dk
 

A Tribute To The Broken Things…

I just came home from a drinking spree and I come home to boot up the pc to check mail and what not. I find my pc won’t boot up. I turn on the fan for it is quite misty in the room and it won’t turn.

I find myself getting pissed off with my pc that I had to turn off and on just to get it work. I opened up my fan to find the motor crawling on its belly just to turn 2 degrees. I hit the cpu tower and dented the damn thing. I threw the fan around and never got a result. Unless of course you consider getting more frustrated a result.

I quickly calmed down and started to breathe. Thinking what more damage I could inflict if I let myself go.

I thought to myself that things that get broken can be fixed. But not by breaking it some more. I’m no electrician so I just replaced the fan with another one from the living room. I kept on trying to boot up the pc and this time got it to work.

All things gets broken, material or not. There’s a solution for everything. I broken fan can be replaced. A shut downed pc can be booted.

An ailing heart, can be loved again…